If your husband is reluctant to start budgeting I would first start with this. If you have tried those things and you are still trying to get your husband to budget with you, there is one key to really make it happen.
Most husbands find the word budget to be limiting and restricting. Instead of seeing it as a means to an end, they think is it going to control them. However, money is just a tool that can be used to achieve the life of your dreams. You just have to believe that and use it that way.
Getting your husband on board to budget can be one of THE most frustrating things. You just want him to understand the possibilities for your life will be endless as soon as you start to pay attention to what your money is doing. If only he just “got it” that this is actually going to give him more freedom to do what he wants to do, and it won’t just be a restricting thing taking away all of his fun.
I get it. It took me a good 1-2 years to fully get my husband on board with budgeting. He bought in halfway, but only recently did he fully commit to this. And here’s the thing, I tried a million different ways to talk to him about it and convince him it was what was best for our family, but until this one thing happened, he wasn’t fully committed.
Keep in mind, this may still take a little while to get them to do this one thing, but once it happens, they will be lit on fire for budgeting! Together, you will be unstoppable!
So what is it? What is this magic secret to getting him fired up about budgeting??
If your husband refuses to help you budget or even let you do one and try to stick to it, there is one thing you need to do to get them on board.
You have to help them find their WHY.
I promise. It really is that simple. If you ask your husband to budget before he has found his why, you are asking him to perform an action he doesn’t believe in. This means, he really isn’t going to do it, or if he does, it will be with minimal effort. If you are wanting your husband to follow a budget, you can’t expect him to do it if he doesn’t know why he’s doing it. He needs a reason to follow the money plan and believe in what he is doing.
If there are sacrifices to be made (cutting cable, quitting the gym membership, not eating out anymore), he needs to know why he is making the sacrifices, otherwise, it will just seem like awful punishment and he will feel restricted and resent the entire process.
Imagine if you asked someone to take two bunny hops forward. They wouldn’t do it until you told them why you needed them to. We have to know why we are doing something before we do it.
Asking your husband to take an action is pointless until he knows why he is doing it.
So, how the heck do you walk your husband toward his own why?
This probably won’t happen overnight, and I have also found sometimes, life just needs to bring people to their knees to get them to understand. But, be patient with this and keep encouraging them to look for, and find a reason bigger than any excuse they could ever come up with for not wanting to budget. I thought my husband knew his why, but as it turns out, he was just following along with mine (and this is three years into budgeting!).
It hasn’t been until life circumstances have really made him feel the discomfort of not having enough money at the end of the month that he has understood how important it is to not waste any extra income and get out of debt ASAP so he doesn’t have to feel trapped by our circumstances. This has been a long time coming.
I tell you this to remind you to be patient and hang in there. When you are looking for a major change in their habits and beliefs, it can take a while. It doesn’t mean it will never happen, it just may not happen on your timeline.
If you need to help him figure out his own why/inspire him to come up with a reason to budget there are two talking points to get things going.
1. Talk to your husband about what is important to you.
Tell him what your why is. Why do you want to budget? Why is this important to you? Have a conversation about what your life will be like when you are budgeting. What will budgeting mean for your family? What are you wanting to accomplish?
You talking about why budgeting is so important to you will open up the communication on the subject. If you are vulnerable with him and express your want to do this budgeting thing, he will see how genuine you are when you share your why with him.
This conversation will allow him to have the freedom to start to think about:
- How this is really important to you
- What this could mean for him
- Maybe you two are already on the same page and he just didn’t know it
2. Talk to your husband about what you can do if you aren’t broke anymore.
What will your life look like if you aren’t struggling to make ends meet? What if you never argued about money or hid purchases from one another? What if you both were active participants in your financial future and became a team working together? Dream about your future together and all the good things to come if you are on the same page financially, have no debt and built up a large retirement.
This likely isn’t going to happen overnight, but if you can get your husband to come up with a reason for wanting to budget just by having conversations with him, eventually, he will come to see how beneficial budgeting can be. His reason for budgeting must be his own and must be bigger than any excuse he could ever come up with for not wanting to do it.
Once he does…….
Then you can set some goals together!! This is when the magic happens. Find your reason for budgeting TOGETHER. You will be each other’s accountability partners and you will be unstoppable! Find your why and make a visual to remind you daily why you are doing this. Keep it somewhere you will see it every single day.
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Persistence with love will eventually communicate to your husband how much you want to budget together. You just need to help him find a reason bigger than his excuses to not budget. Help him find his why. Once that fire is lit, you will be on your way!
Does your husband know his why?
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